86 (and Counting) Years of Gracious Living
Marilyn Arnold (pictured right above) fears her tombstone will say something about etiquette. Despite being the ninth of 16 kids in her family, serving 40 years as a Salvation Army officer in seven different states, and enjoying 59 years of marriage to Donald, who died last year, she said she’s probably best known for teaching others about napkin folds and the proper way to serve punch.
She’s mostly joking about the tombstone. After teaching Army officers and fellow members of her Oakbrook Terrace Salvation Army Corps Community Center about etiquette and what she calls “gracious living and entertaining” for decades, she understands why people across the Midwest occasionally look at their eating, decorating, or entertaining choices and say, “Mrs. Arnold wouldn’t like this!”
“I want to be remembered for something other than getting after you for eating your sandwich whole,” she jokes, referring to the proper etiquette of cutting it in two. But she knows she also instilled in her many students the important reasons why proper entertaining practices matter (more on that in a moment).
And though she’s 86, don’t start chiseling Marilyn’s tombstone yet. She is still a whirlwind of volunteering at her Army community center, mentoring women there and at the independent living facility she calls home, and teaching women how to make holiday centerpieces. Every Wednesday she also gives a ride to Lily, an 80-year-old in her women’s ministry group who can’t drive anymore.
Marilyn is leading a memorable life in many ways, not just those that pertain to napkins.
Bestowing Value
Marilyn became an Army officer after God answered her prayer for her dying brother at his hospital bedside. She’d been contemplating the transformation from successful hospital administrator with a robust life to a Salvation Army officer dedicated to meeting human needs in His name without discrimination. But her dad had said no, which she respected and obeyed.
That is, until she was watching the life fade from her beloved brother. “If you let him live,” she prayed to God, “I’ll become an Army officer.” He recovered, and she went to officer training school. There she met her husband, a brown-eyed Kansas man, and together they served as officers in Missouri, Kansas, Illinois, Indiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. They also had two kids, who eventually blessed them with six grandchildren.
Along the way, she began teaching other Army staff about the proper etiquette that was a hallmark of her childhood. “I came from a big, modest family. The low end of modest,” she said. “But we always sat down to a proper supper all together.”
So when Marilyn attended Army functions where they were eating off tablecloth-less wooden-plank tables and washing dishes in cold water, she couldn’t help but intervene. She helped decorate for events. She spruced up the foyer. She set tables correctly. And soon she was teaching these skills to others who were eager to learn about the dying art of etiquette.
“It’s not about how big and nice your home is, it’s the spirit of warmth and welcome,” Marilyn said. Indeed, her modest upbringing made her a realist. “You can serve KFC, but don’t just set the bucket in the middle of the table. Put it on a platter. Use a cloth tablecloth.” Same goes for PB&J. “Instead of just throwing a loaf of bread on the table and the jars of peanut butter and jelly, put the peanut butter in a dish, put the jelly in a dish, put the bread on a plate. Do it right.”
Make no mistake, the source of these actions isn’t a devotion to Emily Post or a desire to impress. “Going out of your way to do something nice for others, even your immediate family, helps them feel valued.” This comes back to the “conviction and desire the Lord has given me to love people, to give them value and worth, to help them feel important.”
The desire to fulfill that calling prompted her to decorate the narthex of every church where she worked. “Every week I insisted that it look nice,” she said, recalling the baskets of flowers she would set out to welcome visitors. It’s also the reason she supervises meal preparations for events at her community center, buys Easter lilies for the sanctuary each year, and teaches others how to make centerpieces to grace their dining room table at Thanksgiving and Christmas. 
The response has been enthusiastic. One woman who attended Marilyn’s centerpiece class last fall put a picture of hers on Facebook and texted Marilyn to show her where she used it. Karen Hurula, who also attends the Oakbrook Terrace Salvation Army Corps Community Center and is best friends with Marilyn’s daughter, admires Marilyn’s “crazy, mad skills” and called her a “master decorator who knows how to make a plain room look lovely.”
“I’m just fulfilling what the Lord has called me to do – treat people well and with respect,” Marilyn says.
Sacred Friendships
Treating others well has looked a little different in her current season of life. With less energy and mobility (she now relies on a walker), she has been pulling back a bit from church commitments. “Now the best I can do is supervise,” she explained.
While her group activities wane, her one-on-one relationships are becoming her focus. She attends Bible study with one woman in her senior housing who’s mostly confined to the building. She meets another woman in the building as often as her health allows, engaging her in conversations about faith.
And there’s Lily, the 80-year-old woman who lives in a building across the street and can’t drive anymore due to her occasional seizures. When Marilyn learned she was taking a taxi to their Wednesday evening women’s ministry gathering at the church, she insisted on giving her a ride.
Every week they stop first at McDonald’s, where Marilyn orders breakfast or a kids’ meal and Lily orders a fish sandwich. They discuss renting versus buying, the stock market (Lily still regrets selling her shares in McDonald’s when she did), and the happenings in their families and church community.
Lily’s involvement with The Salvation Army began when she was a 6-year-old girl in Hong Kong. Her father had been killed in World War II and her mother couldn’t afford to send her to school. A local Army officer petitioned the government on her behalf to receive the benefits due a war veteran’s family, and secured funding for Lily’s schooling through college. “Today she attends church at the Salvation Army so she can give her offering back to the Army for what they gave her,” Marilyn explained. Today the Army is still blessing Lily, with a faithful friend like Marilyn.
“Some people inspire others by the way they live,” said Lieutenant Rachel Johnson, who attended the Oakbrook Terrace community center with Marilyn years ago. That’s Marilyn, she said. “I want to be more like her.”
While her body has slowed her some, Marilyn has no plans to stop investing in others and bestowing honor through gracious entertaining. “There’s no discharge in this war,” Marilyn said, referring to her Army roots. “We’re constantly fighting, constantly serving. I want to die being active. After 21 years of retirement, I’m still called to be His faithful servant.” Now that’s something worth putting on a tombstone.
Join The Salvation Army's Fight for Good: